Challenging parents

Even when you are doing all the right things, some parents may still present a real challenge. They can be intense, demanding, dependent, irritable, and unpredictable. They may be unwilling to accept responsibility, habitually absent or aggressive and unwilling to engage.

There is no easy solution to this, but it might help to consider:

• Does the parent have a valid reason to be challenging?
• What has happened (in school) prior to your involvement?
• What has happened in other settings?
• What does the parent expect from you?

Although it may be difficult, try to separate the person (who you might dislike) from the problem. Then try to focus on interests i.e. what does the parent want from this, what do I want from it, and how can we meet both our interests, rather than positions e.g. I’m not prepared to discuss this again!

• Using empathy, clarity, negotiation, and clear limit-setting, can lessen the impact of a challenging parent
• You can’t change a difficult person but you CAN learn to communicate with them
• Don’t react negatively to emotional outbursts, allow people to let off steam
• Make simple requests and reinforce their compliance
• Keep your personal expectations low
• Don’t try to control them, instead work to control your own irritation, maintain a professional manner, and empathise with their concerns and worries