Meetings with parents

For parents almost any meeting about their child feels like a crisis meeting. Whenever their child’s difficulties are discussed memories of the initial (gradual or sudden) realisation of the child’s difficulties may be aroused and the implication of the child’s future brought to mind. Parents will deal with their emotions in a variety of ways but they cannot expect to be unaffected by them. Bursting into tears, losing one’s temper or being super-efficient may all be signs of the same underlying sadness or confusion.

However it would be dangerous to draw conclusions from these outward expressions of emotion. They do not mean that the parent cannot cope, is being unrealistic in their expectations or has failed to come to terms with their child’s problems. Because a meeting is stressful for a parent does not mean that they would prefer not to have a meeting.

Part of the reason for the high level of stress experienced by parents may be that the meeting is important. People do not find strong emotions easy to deal with. Parents may avoid asking questions they want to ask, discussing aspects of their child they would like to discuss because they are afraid of being embarrassed by breaking down or becoming angry.

Teachers may worry about upsetting parents and feel that they have caused the emotional upset by the way they have talked about their child.